At 10 am last Tuesday following orders, I carried out the instructions to the letter, well as best I could, given the circumstances, that is the absence of a stomach. I started the fast!
Come 3 pm I forced myself to take the next step. I prepared and drank the dose of PicoPrep, the vilest stuff imaginable; after which I managed to squeeze in the cavity which substitutes for a stomach, about 200 ml of water and over the next 3 or 4 hours managed another litre, which I thought was pretty good. A bit over 50% of what is advised.
This stuff was supposed to start it’s work withing 2 to 3 hours, at 9 pm I was supposed to take the second dose and keep pouring water down my gullet. I have trouble drinking water at any time; It’s always been my belief that water was for making ice to go into my whiskey and to waste copious quantities in the shower of a morning. not to swallow as is!
By 8pm the first dose at not started to work, I rang the TPU and advised them of the situation and asked whether to delay the second dose until the first had done it’s duty. I was told no take the second dose at scheduled time, not to worry the first dose will start soon.
They put the moz on me, soon as I hung up it started. I’ll spare you the details, At nine I took the second dose and by this time was having difficulties at both ends. Having a lot trouble drinking fluids, I was drinking Powerade and Gatorade which was approved but I was forcing it down.
Needless to say, I had little if any sleep, or rest, during the night and needed to be up before 6 am to get ready and get to the RPA by 7. The War Office dropped me off at ten minutes to, so I was in plenty of time.
I gave my name rank and serial number was told to take a seat, I was told that I was number 2 on Dr. Sandroussi’e list and I would be dealt with at 10, 3 hours to wait and I hadn’t brought a book.
Shortly after 8, I went through the first steps in preparation, and at 9 I was taken off told to strip everything off, put on the robe, hat and ‘shoes’, one size fits all, and place all my belongings in the bag provided place them in a locker and wait.
Couple of minutes later “hop on”, a cheerful voice telling me to get up on the gurney and I was wheeled around to Theatre 6’s pre-op room where a young bloke said he was going to assist the anesthetist who’d be along shortly. He also told me that Doc S, would be running the show but one of his team would be doing the actual work. I told him it really doesn’t matter who does it as I’d hopefully be sound asleep.
At 9.15 I was ready to go; trouble was that in the theatre proper some other poor person was having a total gastrectomy, and it was taking somewhat longer, in fact much longer than normal.
It was after 11 when when God himself came into the pre-op room for a chat, I was shocked.He hadn’t shaved, naturally I told him that I’d made the effort so why hadn’t he; “I never do on operating days, I hate shaving and the patients can’t see me ” Couldn’t argue with that logic!
He then told me of a new whiskey that he’d tried. Made in Tasmania the best whiskey he’s had, He told me that he has 68, I think it is, bottles of single malt Scotch at home which he hasn’t opened as he prefers Bourbon, but now he prefers this Tassie drop! After which he toddled off, to make sure that the theatre would be in working order, for my little bit. And in I went!
I’ve no idea how long it took, not long believe, but when I came to in the recovery room, the news was not good. The PicoPrep had not done its duty and they were unable to see the inside of my pipes.
But really what did they expect? I’d told them over, and over, that I could not drink the amounts of fluids required to flush the stuff out! I’m wonderingm how many instances they’ve had of an old codger without a stomach doing for the colonoscopy? Not too many I’ll wager after what I went through.
They weren’t finished with me though, I was instructed to be back at 7.45 am tomorrow, that was Thursday , and report to the Radiology department for further tests. I was not to eat, I was to continue the fast, and have nothing to drink after 10 pm that night/. Too I was given three sachets each containing some sort of dye(iodine by the taste) I was to take 2 at 6.30 pm and the 3rd at 9pm.
Right on the dot of 7.45 am a nurse called me and asked me to go with her, she asked if I knew what I was there for, and I told her I had no idea, I was just obeying orders, she then explained what was going to happen. Had I have known, I’d have had a nice dinner, a couple of whiskeys, and gone to bed content, the night before.
She explained that as the colonoscopy was not satisfactory, what they were now going to do would, hopefully, answer the question. “And what do you plan to do” says me, as cheerfully as can be expected, after having no food for two days, and no fluids of any kind, past my lips, in many hours.
“We are going to insert a tube into your bottom (she was being delicate) through which we will pump gas, so that it fills up all your bowels and we can take pictures” “It will be a bit uncomfortable but it doesn’t take long”; which was nice to know.
Again I stripped naked and donned the appropriate garments, I was then stuck with needles whilst a young lady tried to find a vein suitable for something or other, she couldn’t find one, which didn’t surprise me so she went and got a doctor who cold and did, and I was set ready to go.
Let me assure you, this was not the most pleasant experience I have had, luckily it was over in less than half an hour. and I got dressed and ready to leave
After I had a cup of tea, it was nectar of the Gods, I thanked the staff apologized for being grumpy, walked across to the cab rank and took a taxi home, I arrived home at 9.30 exactly.
There has been one problem, I have been in quite some pain in the abdomen. since this procedure. If they were to ask me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how I’d rate it, I’d have to give them a 7.359.
If it has not improved by tomorrow (Saturday) morning I shall have to cart myself back to the RPA, to get relief. My thresh hold when it comes to pain is generally pretty high/good, but I must admit I’m feeling somewhat distressed.
LordBeariOfBow 
Well I reckon you’ve done a bloody good job. After everything you have the inclination to let us all in the job. At least you found out that Tassie Whisky gets top marks. Unfortunately it’s very expensive.
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The drop that God was talking about he says is about the same a decent Bourbon, (he’s a Bourbon man like me) He told me the name but I kind of forgot once I got knocked out before they got to work. I see him in a couple of weeks time and will find out what it is!
You will of course be kept posted, 🐻 🙂
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My friend is currently hooked on something which I think is maple infused bourbon. Sounds disgusting but tastes divine. And not sweet!
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Hope all turns out ok, sorry your feeling poorly, Sounds like your in good hands. Will keep you in my prayers.
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Thanks Lisa, don’t worry about the prayers though, my chums Ira & Neill have taken care of that, They have me on the roster at their church, and Ira’s aunt in Poland was made a saint a few years back so I’m well covered in the prayer department.
Damned if I know what my other chum, Old Nick, thinks about it all, 😈 🐻 🙂
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You’re tough, you are. Let us know. But Dr S prefers nasty bourbon over terrific single malt whisky? Outrageous! I would love a belt of single malt–ideally from Oban, though I would be very happy with The Macallan or Glenlivet.
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Don’t know about tough Pamela, my mother used to say, you’re not tough, you just smell strong. I’ve been a firm believer in the use of a good deodorant ever since!
Apparently the new whiskies from Tasmania are making the Scots single malts look like lolly water, and so they should, you can’t get a bottle for under $250.00 Australian.
I’ll stick to Bourbon,
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Ah, well. There’s something for everyone.
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Tough, smelly, or otherwise, I hope you feel more comfortable soon.
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None of those! 🙂 But I’m feeling much better thanks Pamela 🙂
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What goes in must come out – and tea ain’t gonna do it. That pumping you full of gas is more than just uncomfortable.(Worst than treatment sometimes)
Had a doc like you describe, but he retired. The new younger one is no comparison – by temperament or gained knowledge.
Hang in there. Hope you feel better soon
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Any luck with that yoga pose Downward Dog? works for some
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to complicated for me to even attempt Phil 🙂
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My Doc God, is only a young bloke Phil, and hopefully will be around for many years to come.
I have the knack of putting the mozz on some doctors though, 2 that were much younger than me have died,
One from prostate cancer, (he wasn’t even 60), from which I was cured completely and the other heart I understand, He saved me after a stroke in 2011, young fella, just 64.
I’m doing my best to prove the old adage “Only the good die young” 😈 ;bear:
Feeling somewhat better today thanks Phil. 🙂
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I admire and envy your seeming good spirits through all this medical stuff. I wouldn’t be fit to live with. Also, it seems to me than in these days of modern medicine, if they’re going to pump you full of gas, they should also have a procedure to adequately deflate you!
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They probably ran out of big enough pins to pop into me PT; wonder I didn’t go floating off; it was most uncomfortable but it didn’t take long; just seemed that way, 😀
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Are you sure the medicos are not using you as an experimental study, and for that you should receive a case of that Tassie Whiskey, at least.
Be brave!
Ira
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The thought had crossed my mind Ira, and I do believe that you are right in the rewards department. I’m only to happy to let them practice/experiment on me and look for no reward or payment, but I’d never knock back a case of whiskey/whisky; ever!
As for being brave, have you forgotten, I’m ENGLISH 👿 😈 🐻
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Can’t say “like” but nothing yet to hate. It does sound as if you had an interesting ride so far and had (have?) the opportunity for record-breaking flatulence.
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What you say is true, however, seems I’m not destined to break any records in the flatulence department, just a very slow leakage, not even enough to make me swirl around the room!
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Sounds like a horror show to me. I don’t know where you found the fortitude to write this post and I sincerely hope this will come to some shred of a good ending. Your ability to keep a somewhat jolly attitude does you justice. Especially since you generously don’t keep the gory details to yourself! 😟
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The typical English stiff upper lip Eh! What! 😀
Actually, I’m looking back over the whole business with some sense of amusement now; even though there’s more to come.
I must admit all the cheerful comments are a great boost to my feeling of comparative wellbeing.
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Glad to oblige with cheerful comments–provided I don’t have to pretend it isn’t living hell! And yes, I do enjoy your mildly sarcastic, comedy show stand-up style of writing. Very good for the soul, I think. 🙂
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Most distressing – thank goodness God is on your side.
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I’m starting to wonder after putting me through the last few days.
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😦
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I’m trying to think of a smart uplifting comment, but perhaps you are self jet propelled by now, so have no further need of uplift.
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I wish it were so Gwen but methinks the gas turned to rock 😥
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oh dear …. :(-
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Your attitude is amazing! You have nothing but admiration from this department, stoicism not being my strong suit! I’m sure that being able to chuckle and write about your ordeal is helping you.
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I’ve never given it much thought Diane, my dad always looked for, and found, something amusing in any situation and I enjoyed watching him chuckle, it was a soundless chuckle; his tummy, then whole body would just shake with mirth, and at times the tears of laughter would appear on his cheeks.
His eyes almost purple had a perpetual twinkle.
Why always escaped me, he really had a hard, hard, childhood.
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Hmmm… So – In deciding to visit your page (notified you liked a post I made) I took it that you were British; then got fooled by the map indicating you live in New South Wales, Australia. It was your admission that you were British that set me straight.
But this post indicates that on top of battling a belligerent G.I., (my Achilles heel too) you had to have survived stomach cancer.
Years ago, I’d met one individual who had a small fraction of what was left of her stomach.
I won’t ask how you manage to get any satisfaction with eating without a stomach; I knew what she had been going through, and it was via a very restricted diet that served as an object lesson to me about being humble.
Are you a Veteran, or was that comment “I gave my name rank and serial number” merely satirical?
Anyway, thanks for liking my post. BTW – Scotch narrows the Heart arteries; not a good idea, and very expensive. On the rare occasion I allow myself some, It’s either McCallan, or Glenmorange. On the other hand, a good brandy dilates the bronchial tubes, so in case of a cold, that would be a good thing. Later- “X”
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Actually I’m English, Britain or Great Britain is made up of 4 different countries; England, Scotland, Ireland & Wales. If you called a Scot anything but he will he/she offended.
I was 3/718724 Trooper Smith, Sir way back in the 1950, 53-56 to be exact.
I very rarely drink Scotch, having acquired a taste for Bourbon in the early 1960’s,
I haven’t drank brandy since 1964, I was drinking 2 full bottles or 750ml everyday. After being dried out I was told to say away from the stuff and haven’t ad a drop since.
I’ve lived in Sydney since 1975, Before tht I travelled widely around Australia, some of which I have described in my posts, If interested try Shay Gap in the search bar it may take you to some.
being without a stomach these last 2 years has taken a bit of getting used to, however it’s amazing how the body, even an 82/83 year old one like mine can adapt.
I came to Australia shortly after WWII in 1951, I lived in London throughout the war. There are probably a few posts on that too.
Thanks for dropping by and commenting, I do appreciate it greatly 🙂 🐻
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You are my senior by 17 years. Amazed to connect with someone who lived through the Blitz…
If WW II is what drew your attention, this is the URL you would want to bookmark; I just made a post on the German Kreigsmarine:
https://profilesincourage.wordpress.com/category/posts/
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